THE GAME IN SPAIN Having duped us into playing the 2022 World Cup in the middle of the desert in the middle of the football season, FIFA believe nothing is beyond them now.
Maybe that's why one of their bright sparks suggested that Cristiano Ronaldo present Leo Messi with his world player of the year award this week.
France Football wanted Johan Cruyff to make the presentation but having hijacked the prize, FIFA run the show and they wanted glamour.
In the shadows: Cristiano Ronaldo arrives on the red carpet for the Ballon d'Or gala.
Game in Spain: Mourinho reveals new striker is not on the menu at Madrid06/01/11 Pete Jenson's XI for 2011: From Jose to Cesc, La Liga's headline acts...30/12/10 Pete Jenson: Christmas with Mourinho and Valdano... Madrid's odd couple23/12/10 Game in Spain: Qatar sticks in the throat - but Barca have stolen a march16/12/10 Pete Jenson: Barca's golden generation leave Real men in the shade09/12/10 Pete Jenson: Jose can hardly wait to see Pep leave Barcelona02/12/10 Pete Jenson: Ronaldo savours his net gains but Barca is the ultimate goal25/11/10 Pete Jenson: Villarreal are back to stop La Liga looking like the SPL11/11/10 VIEW FULL ARCHIVEDavid Beckham was considered and finally overlooked, and then it was proposed that there would be no better way to celebrate the first 'FIFA Ballon d'Or than having the two most famous players on the planet together on the stage at the moment of the presentation.
Ronaldo arrived late on Monday in the delayed Madrid convey that also conveniently got Jose Mourinho out of what would have been an uncomfortable press conference with three Barcelona players and their coach.
When Ronaldo did finally make it to Zurich headquarters, fearing he would tell them where to put the 7.4kg of solid gold, FIFA had decided not to ask him and instead allowed Pep Guardiola to present his own player with the accolade.
Ronaldo does not want to give Messi the Golden Ball, he wants to take it from him.
Out-mesmerising the Golden Flea might be difficult but obliterating La Liga's goalscoring records is well within his reach.
If he continues scoring at his current rate he will finish this season with 47 goals. That will smash the existing record of 38 for one season in Spain jointly held by Real Madrid's Hugo Sanchez and Athletic Bilbao's Telmo Zarra.
It would probably see him take the Golden Boot for Europe's top domestic scorer, where on 22 goals he currently has a four goal advantage over Messi. And most importantly it would also put him back on the shortlist for the Golden Ball.
Receiving it, not opening the envelope and handing it over to someone else.
Arsenal fans would question a couple of the names on the list but, according to Jose Mourinho, the Gunners have five centre forwards and Real Madrid only have one.
'I was watching Arsenal the other day,' said Mourinho. 'They have Van Persie, Chamakh, Bendtner, Arshavin and one more I can't remember (presumably Theo Walcott) and we only have Karim Benzema.'
Having told him that he could not have a new striker last week, Real Madrid president Florentino Perez has since changed his mind and it could even be a former Arsenal man Emmanuel Adebayor who is brought in.
Having operated on Gonzalo Higuain's slipped disc on Tuesday,doctor Richard Fessler confirmed that the player would be out for four months.
That was just as Mourinho (a veteran of John Terry's slow recovery from the same problem) had told the club's medical staff weeks ago.
Consolation: Lionel Messi tries to joke with Jose Mourinho at the awards in Zurich
Adebayor scores points because he can play in the Champions League and he would come on loan allowing Real to send him back in the summer and sign somebody else.
There is only one problem for City keen to offload those £160,000-a-week wages. Real have also sounded out Bayern Munich's Miroslav Klose.
The 32-year-old's contract runs out at the end of the season and although he is Champions-League cup-tied his signing represents less of a risk to dressing room harmony.
The veteran of 55 goals in 103 games for Germany is being seen, at least by Madrid president Perez, as a less volatile option off the pitch and a more dependable one on it.
The Togo striker's one goal so far this season is not helping his case, although he did score perhaps his best goal on Spanish soil two years ago...
Peace broke out in Zurich on Monday when Pep Guardiola sat next to Jose Mourinho at the Ballon d'Or gala and congratulated him - not just on being voted top coach, but on receiving the heartfelt and very public praise from former player Wesley Sneijder.
The Inter midfield was asked about his year as he lined-up on stage in FIFA's team of 2010 and paid tribute to Mourinho who he described as the 'best coach in the world'.
Mourinho choked, Guardiola told him the public display of gratitude was 'worth more than any award', and the two went for canap?together afterwards.
Awesome trio: Andres Iniesta, Messi and Xavi pose ahead of their romp against Betis
Disturbing the peace were the Madrid-based Spanish press, who were outraged that an Argentine had 'stolen' the prize from their World Cup-winning pair Xavi and Andres Iniesta.
There was a thinly-disguised hope that the midfielders might now stop talking to, or even better, passing to, their team-mate.
Cue disappointment when Iniesta flipped a delightful ball over the top of the Betis defence 44 minutes into Wednesday's Cup Quarter-final which landed straight at the feet of Messi, who scored the first goal of his hat-trick in Barca's eighth victory by five goals or more this season.
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Explore more:People: John Terry, David Beckham, Wesley Sneijder, Theo Walcott, Jose Mourinho, Florentino Perez, Cristiano Ronaldo, Karim Benzema, Andres Iniesta, Leo Messi, Johan Cruyff, Emmanuel Adebayor, Pep Guardiola Places: Barcelona, Madrid, Germany, Spain, Europe
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